The unusually simple way to overcome anxiety and fear
You'll be astonished by who uses it to stunning effect
If you struggle with anxiety and fear, you’re not alone. Plenty people do, including me.
But you need not let anxiety and fear keep you from doing what you’d like.
The unusually simple way to lessen their hold is to breathe through waiting out the 60 to 90 seconds it takes them to dissipate, all on their own.
You must be joking
Only 60 to 90 seconds to dissipate?
Ya, really.
And all that’s needed is to breathe?
Uh, ya. Actually, breathing is optional but highly recommended for reasons I’ll get to.
Really? Only 60 to 90 seconds?
Ya, really.
Emotions — all of them, including anxiety and fear — are a speedy bunch.
They arise, trigger changes in your body, and — if left alone — fizzle out in about 60 to 90 seconds.
The kicker, unsurprisingly, is in the “if left alone”.
If you engage them by thinking or by trying to change them, you’ll re-trigger them.
Unfortunately, that’s precisely what tends to happen as emotions and thoughts follow each other like ponies on a merry go round1 and most of us want to rid ourselves of uncomfortable emotions as soon as they arise.
Masochists excluded, possibly.
But you’re not at the mercy of that carnival ride. It has an emergency brake and you hold its key. Because that kicker also points to the solution.
Don’t engage. Don’t think. Let it be.
Simply2 be with the emotion and let it pass.
Don’t think? Are you mad?
No, not mad. A bit weird, definitely, but not mad.
When I say “Don’t engage. Don’t think,” I don’t mean to stop those altogether. I mean no to engage with and think about the emotion and what triggered it.
Now, I know how hard it is not to do [X].
After all, when I say “Don’t think about a pink elephant,” you can’t help but think about … a pink elephant.3
Also, and more importantly, not doing one thing leaves your brain with too many options. So, the “trick” is to tell yourself what to do instead.
I recommend focusing on your breathing.
Here’s why.
Breathing your way through
When you pay attention to how your body inhales, exhales, and pauses, your mind can think about little else4.
But there’s more.
When you take slow, controlled breaths, you activate your parasympathetic nervous system. That’s one part of your autonomic nervous system. It facilitates rest and relaxation (the rest and digest responses). The other part is the sympathetic nervous system which is all about perceiving and dealing with threats (the fight, flight, or freeze responses).
Activating your parasympathetic nervous system helps you to calm down, disengage, and deactivate the fight-flight-or-freeze response.
That’s a double whammy in my book.
It allows you to respond instead of react.
Which is exactly why it’s been adopted and popularized by people you wouldn’t immediately think of as breathwork practitioners.
If it works for these people…
Many breathing techniques are forms of Ayurvedic breathwork as practiced in yoga. But don’t let that dissuade you if you’re not spiritually inclined. The effects of slow controlled breathing have been shown in many ways and contexts.
For example, biathlon athletes.
In a biathlon athletes complete several rounds alternating between Nordic skiing and shooting a rifle they carry on their back. If they were to take aim after screeching to a halt at the firing range, their heavy breathing would mess with their aim. So they take several slow deep breaths to lower their heartrate (and presumably stop their hands shaking).
Another example: perhaps astonishingly, but not all that surprisingly: Navy SEALs.
Not exactly the first group that comes to mind when talking about breathing techniques, is it? On second thought it makes perfect sense. It helps them stay calm and able to function effectively in high-stress situations. Like combat.
SEALS use two breathing techniques in particular: box breathing and what they call tactical breathing.
Here’s what they’re for and how to practice them.
Box breathing
Box breathing is named5 for its four steps6, that you can picture as a box or square.
SEALs use it to manage their stress levels. In this context, we’re obviously talking about disstress7, like worry, anxiety, fear, and even panic.
The steps in one box breathing cycle are:
Inhale deeply for a count of 4.
Hold for a count of 4.
Exhale slowly for a count of 4.
Hold for a count of 4.
Then rinse and repeat.
As little as 30 seconds will help you relax.
You can continue for as long as you like. Though, obviously, you don’t want to continue if it makes you feeling untoward in any way. Like dizzy, for example.
Tactical breathing
Tactical breathing8 is probably named by SEALs for its effectiveness in tactical situations when your life and that of your buddies depends on staying in control.
They use it to defuse the fight-or-flight response when facing a threat.
It’s pretty hard to do the actual basic steps when your body is already in that mode. So start off with some basic deep breaths:
Any kind of inhale followed by an emphatic exhale (long sigh)
A deep inhale through your nose extending your abdomen all the way, followed by a slow, controlled exhale.
Repeat step 2 until you’re comfortable with full deep breaths.
You may find that this already defuses the power of the response. If you still experience it, continue with the actual tactical breathing.
The steps in one tactical breathing cycle are:
Inhale through your nose for a count of [N].
Exhale slowly, preferably through your mouth, for a count of [2x N].
Do this for at least 3 times.
Note that most instructions you can find around the Internet, will tell you to inhale for a count of 4 and exhale for a count of 8.
The initial deep breaths should have calmed you down enough to manage this. But don’t worry if you can’t.
The essence of this technique is that you exhale for twice as long as you inhale.
So, a 2 count inhale and a 4 count exhale will do to start with. You can increase the duration as you calm down further.
Liberate yourself from anxiety and fear
There you have it.
You don’t have to let anxiety and fear dictate what you do or don’t.
You have what it takes to liberate yourself from them. At any time of the day or night and wherever you happen to be.
You have the power and you are the only tool you need.
Imagine what you could do and enjoy when you can acknowledge any anxiety and fear that comes up and still do what you want in spite of them.
Obviously, it won’t come naturally at first.
You’ll need to become aware of when you’re immersed in habitual reactions — feelings, thoughts, (in)actions — to your triggers
So, be gentle with yourself.
Live long and prosper!
Marjan
Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) posits that emotions follow thought. Neuroscience shows that emotions arise a lot faster than thoughts enter your awareness. But which comes first is neither here nor there because emotions trigger thoughts and thoughts trigger emotions. It’s a two-way street. Or a merry go round, if you will.
Yeah, I know. I don’t like it much either when people tell me to “simply” do [X] when that doesn’t feel like something that’d come easily to me. By saying “simply” I am not suggesting it’s easy, only that the steps are straightforward, uncomplicated.
That’s not because your subconscious doesn’t know (or ignores) “not” as many would have you believe. It absolutely does. But your brain, including its subconscious, first pulls up whatever you apply “not” to. For example, “Don’t run” (in school hallways) gets our brains to first pull up “run” and then apply “not” to that. Many brains, especially those whose frontal cortex hasn’t yet fully developed, act on the “run” and don’t hear, let alone, register the “not”. Which is exactly why you want to avoid negations in decisions and instructions.
With “Don’t think about a pink elephant,” your brain first pulls up “pink elephant”, then “think”, and leaves “not” for last. And that’s why you can’t help but think of a pink elephant when I tell you not to.
Yes, it’ll wander back or onto something else. That’s what untrained minds do. And even what very highly trained minds do. It’s what makes meditation hard.
Box breathing is but one name for this technique. You’ll also find it as the 444 rule, the 444 breathing technique, and the 4 square breathing technique. I haven’t found its Ayurvedic name yet. Still digging.
Plenty of articles on the Internet about box breathing. Unfortunately, I’ve found a couple — even from reputable sources — that contain errors. Like missing the last step, making it like breathing around a triangle instead of a box or square, introducing extra holds, or not doing all steps to a count of 4.
When people talk about stress, they generally refer to disstress. But eustress — like an exhilarating carnival ride — is just as much a stressor that you need to recuperate from.
I’m sure there’s another name for tactical breathing, but I haven’t found it yet. Still digging for it in Ayurveda’s Pranayama (breathwork practices).