Who's in charge of your future?

Are you sure it's who you think it is?

I bet you think you’re in charge of your future.

I used to think so.

Until I found out I wasn’t.

Major upset and reset.

Or maybe you think others determine your future more than you do?

Like the government, your employer (if you have one, otherwise your clients), significant others, climate change, AI, “they,” “life”, [fill in your favorite nemesis]?

At times, I’ve definitely felt others were more in control of where I was headed than I was. Very seductive to get stuck in that mode. And I’m not immune!

But I also firmly believe in my own agency and I abhor giving away my power.

So, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t someone else, who was, and often still is, in charge of my future?

Ah. Good question. Thanks for asking :)

I am.

Wait, what? But you just said…

I know what I said. It’s right here on this page! Can’t escape that, can I? And editing it would be cheating.

I am not in charge and yet I am.

How would you reconcile that?

… I’ll wait …

Figured it out yet?

Here’s a hint:

Except, it’s not accurate.

Me telling myself what to do equals me being in charge.

It’s more like this:

But the kid doing the telling would be a lot younger.

Like a mere 5 years old.

Yep.

Unless you’ve already done tons of self-work and developed your self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and your response-ability, your 5-year old self is driving your bus.

And even then it’s in charge most of the time.

No need to panic though.

Yes, finding out about this was a major upset. But it was a good upset. One that allowed me reign in the 5-year old’s influence on my destiny.

Big word, but it’s accurate, and not at all hyped up. Because that 5-year old insidiously influences your behavior at every step and every turn.

How?

Through your beliefs.

Your beliefs — everything you’ve come to ‘know’ about life — influence your thoughts and emotions around what happens in your life and around what you want or need to do. They, in turn, dictate what you do or don’t do, your actions. Obviously, your actions, or lack thereof, have consequences, results.

And what is your destiny but the cumulation of your results?

The kicker?

You’ve laid down your (core) beliefs between ages 3 and 8.

Yep. And they don’t change much after that.

Because, well, neuroscience and all manner of cognitive biases humans evolved to survive in a far more hostile environment than our cushy lives nowadays.

What’s more, they probably are no longer serving you. May even hold you back. A lot. Like they did me.

Because your 5-year old self was still ill-equipped to deal with life’s challenges. S/he lacked the knowledge, skills, experience, and maturity that would have allowed you to reach more mature conclusions, come up with more options, deal with raw emotions. To deal with anything really.

But, and that’s the good news, you can retake control from your 5-year old self.

Even though it may feel like it, your beliefs are not set in stone!

You can change them with ones informed by all the knowledge, skills, experience, and maturity of your current self.

Because, regardless of how ingrained your beliefs are by now, regardless of how much they feel like part of your identity, they are still mere interpretations, conclusions, and solutions.

And those are yours to change as you see fit.

(Just like your personality and identity but that’s a somewhat different cup of tea.)